PermaLink We lost her06/18/2007 12:54 PM
Audrey died today at 11:30am.

We had just gotten to the clinic to see her... she waited until we were there, then moved on.

She was a pretty good kitten.

I think that's the highest thing anyone can say.

We're home with her now.  There are rituals that happen that have evolved over the years... I let the other cats understand that their sister is gone, I brush them and clean their noses...  I clip off a little piece of fur that represents their colors, and put it in a small envelope that goes in the wall clock with their name and dates on it.  If they have a collar, it and the tag go on top of the clock.  Then they get put to rest out with all the others... The Kitten, Harry, Data, Mao, Tess, Boris, Henry, Yellow, all the Othercats.

And they move on.

It's hard not to feel like I failed Audrey.  If I'd noticed her illness sooner, if I'd gotten her treated sooner.  If I'd noticed the weight she lost, the slowing down of her activities.  If I'd sniffed her breath.  A week ago, she was moving around and socializing fairly normally, and a week later, she's gone.  It's my job to take care of them, and there are times like this that I feel like the job is impossible and I'm not up to it.

Audrey doesn't have to worry about that now.  These times and these thoughts are for people they leave behind.

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Blabber :v

1. Adeleida06/21/2007 01:06:24 PM

I'm so sorry. Sometimes a blog really shows you someone's heart, and all the stuff cropped inside just pouring out somewhere between the words, and this one really gets to me.Please hang on to the good memories of this sweet kitten. Don't waste energy on the things you think you could have done: you love your cats. You loved this one, which is why you would think of any possible way to have saved it. The love and attention you give them is the biggest gift they will ever ask for: don't blame yourself. Hug those good memories and embrace the time she was alive. Big cathugs from this side.

2. ChangeWarrior (Deb)06/20/2007 08:33:40 PM

Sorry about your kitty.
You're a good cat-daddy.
I'm sure Audrey knew she was loved.

3. Gregg Eldred06/19/2007 11:01:59 PM

Sorry for your loss. I am sure that you are beating yourself up for not recognizing the signs, but at the time they may not have been as clear as they are now. But based your entries, I can tell that your cats are well cared for and loved. Even though they may have some idiosyncrasies.

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