PermaLink Improbably, a Lotusphere blog entry01/21/2011
This time, nobody has much of a reason to ask where The Turtle has been.  With an average of 800 tweets a month, I've been on Twitter, mostly causing trouble and occasionally poisoning the well of human knowledge.

While this isn't the place for it, for those of you who militantly avoid Twitter, in the last five months I've gone back to work, raised some wabbits, lost many wabbits, lost some relatives, gained some new friends, gained back a couple of the pounds I'd lost since surgery after Lotusphere 2010, and lost my snowblower to some jackass who decided he needed it more than I did.  There.  You're all caught up now.

So, it's Lotusphere time again.  This will be my seventeenth.  Even writing that number seems pretty odd to me, as I can't think of much of anything major in my life I've done seventeen times.  Haven't renewed my license 17 times.  Haven't taken a mortgage deduction 17 times.  Haven't gotten 17 W-2 forms from the same employer in a row.  Didn't even go to school for 17 years straight.  But here I am, about to load up the bag of technology, charge all the batteries, put the Segway in the back of the TDI wagon, and head south to join the techno-throng escaping the weather in the North for a week.

We'll be missing a few people.  The legendary John Fontana, formerly of Network World, will be doing something else this year, for one, and I have to give him plaudits just for all the years he put up with (and quoted) my ill-advised comments for his former publication and no doubt wasted too much time over those pre-FourSquare years trying to arrange a place to meet up.  Dick Gill -- the very first Spherian I ever talked to, at Lotusphere 1995 -- probably won't be on hand, but he has enough to keep him busy.  I won't even begin to go into all the vendors who've disappeared, merged, or changed technologies and won't be blocking the aisles in the Product Showcase, eager to show us their latest stuff and zap our badges, the better to call us later.  Then again, there are new people always appearing in the Yellowverse, and I won't be expecting to hear the halls of the Dolphin and Swan return a hollow echo from the lack of Sphereians wandering around.

And before I go any further, I would whack myself in the head with a vuvuzela before I'd fail to mention Andy Donaldson's Guide To Lotusphere!  As I mentioned last year, the torch has been passed, and it is in the hands of a veteran who can cover the topic at least as well as I ever could, and in some ways, better.  People have asked me, "when are you going to update the Gonzo Lotusphere Page?  My answer for most of this year has been, "when I stop being sick, tired, occupied with wabbits and wabbit shows, looking for work, working, or trying to sleep."  Andy seems to have solved all these problems, so I encourage you to take a look at his succinct and extremely useful guide.

Another thing:  this is likely to be the most location-aware Lotusphere of all time, thanks to Chris Miller of IdoNotes and the IdoCheckin service he's been setting up.  In the past, this had been done with Brightkite, but it appears they are fading away and everything's been moved to FourSquare.  This is an excellent tool to see where people are, so you can avoid them.

There will be podcasts, innumerable blogs, all sorts of live events at Lotusphere, and of course, plenty of socializing, so if you go and hide in your hotel room or let your spouse drag you to theme parks with your offspring, it's your own damn fault.  We warned you.  Ask Andy about that one, too.

If you don't have a Twitter account, expect to be mocked without mercy.  Go get one now.  I'll wait right here.

And last, at least before I start pontificating, there will be A Lotusphere Diary 2011, just as there has been for over a decade.  It will appear right here, though it's likely I will have to do some work on the underlying code to make it easier for me to post images.  I just don't feel like hosting that shit any more, so I will hand off image-hosting to Flickr.  Oh, yes, and look for images with the ls11, ls2011, or lotusphere2011 tag on Flickr.  There will be hundreds.  There will also certainly be a group, so you don't have to chase all over the place to find them.  If all else fails, just check out my Flickr feed, as I number among my contacts many high- and low-profile Sphereians who have big SD cards in their cameras.  Be sure and admire the wabbits.

Other last-minute things:  yes, I will once again be disrupting the show with The Turtle's Guide To Lotusphere, which has turned out to be a surreal good time and often surprises even me with what happens.  It's Sunday night right before the beach party, and if this is your first Lotusphere, be sure and stop by so we know who to snicker at.  Be sure and read Andy's guide first; we will be having a closed-book test.  And yes, there will be a Totally Unofficial Gonzo Lotusphere Gathering, Saturday, January 29, 2011 at around 8pm in the main room at ESPN on the Boardwalk.  While not truly the start of the Lotusphere social season any longer (the Nerds Meetup at the brewpub takes place earlier in the afternoon and there are other strange events like the Hog Ride and the Penumbra Dinner), it continues to be a place to run into old and new Sphereians, drink a lot of beer and terrorize innocent tourists as we yell at televised sports and take pictures of each other.  As always, this is an as-you-are event, just wander on in, cover your own drinks, and look around for people who, well, look like you.

Now, that's the nuts-and-bolts stuff.  But there are other things we need to talk about.

I have been extremely out of touch this past year.  Emergency surgery after Lotusphere 2010 and the recuperation from it took a lot of energy and focus out of me, and the end of my longtime service to the people of the United States left me a little technically unfocused.  I haven't been writing, haven't been hacking a lot of code, and haven't read that much unless it was brought to my attention through a link off a Twitter post.  But that doesn't mean I haven't heard what's been going on, and been pissed off about it.

So, we will enumerate The Entities At Which The Turtle Is Pissed Off This Year:

IBM, you need to fix your marketing.  I don't know how else to say it.  I've watched not one, but two serious Domino accounts vanish in the last 12 months.  Not because your technology isn't good (it is), but because you seemed to not give a shit if you kept those accounts or not.  After it's too late, we hear crap like "IBM didn't come in and drive the discussion."  I am tired of hearing that stuff, so I want you to get out there and start actually teaching the world what "the cloud" really is and what it's really like to work together using time-, place- and platform-independent computing.  Not bullshit like Microsoft has where people are watching TV at the airport or Photoshopping their family pictures.  I mean, real things.  What the hell happened to the Lotus Knows campaign?  I want you to ditch half of those "I'm An IBMer" commercials (particularly the one where they're talking about counterfeit medicine -- that guy with the wolf eyes really freaks me out) and replace them with commercials for LotusLive, for Domino as a web platform, for XPages as a technology, for Sametime... for anything that looks like a real product people might really buy.  Do it now.  I'll wait right here.

Lotus Software specifically, you need to get your organization straight and get a message together to your BP and ISV community, as well as your customers.  You only love us when you need us, yet every time we talk to you, someone else is in charge, or seems to be, and the message seems to have... mutated a bit... since the last time we talked.  Don't just market to each other, and don't forget that 3000 of your best friends will be with you next week.  All week.  We love you.  Just stop hogging the blankets.

Quislings in the Yellowverse, either shit or get off the pot.  You know who you are, and I'm tired of listening to you.  Think Lotus is a dying brand?  Think IBM is going in the wrong direction?  Love slamming them without offering useful solutions?  Then get the fuck out.  Go do business with Microsoft or Google or Oracle or somebody else.  You'll make your money, and we won't have to listen as your corrosive, non-productive carping saps the energy out of the rest of us who know we're in the right place and are willing to focus on the future and opportunities rather than the past and disappointments.  For me personally, the Lotus world has brought me more than I could have ever asked for, and while I don't blind myself to its faults, I am going to support it and see that it lives on and grows, rather than bitch about it until it withers.  Shut the fuck up or move on.  I'm fed up with listening to you.

Lotus haters everywhere, just eat my ass.  That is all.

Ed Brill.  Nah, Ed, I'm fine with you, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Now, on to The Entities Turtle Wants To Hug This Year:

Florida Hospital and Frederick Memorial Hospital, for starters, for making the pain go away and saving my life.  Good job, y'all, because without you, I wouldn't be here to write about Lotusphere 2011.

LUGgers everywhere.  Whether it's IamLUG, ILUG, UKLUG, MWLUG, Tri-State, or anywhere else, you all have, with remarkably little fanfare, kept the spirit of Lotusphere going year-round and done an amazing job at spreading the word about a terrific set of technologies.  I've seen some world-class organization and presentation at these events and it just blows me away how you keep doing it.

Whoever invented Symbicort (and epinephrine).

Bill and Tom, who have been my sine qua non this year for different but related reasons I won't go into here.

Carlos, Kelly and Matt, who you all don't know.


So, we go on to Orlando.  We see where our collective head is at.  We enjoy the company of people who may not always remember that we actually mostly like each other.  And we receive that little booster shot that keeps some of us going in the bigger, grumpier world the rest of the year.

Come on along, y'all... this could be wild.

Turtle

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15. Sean Harris01/25/2011 09:21:51 PM


Scott, it wouldn't be the same w/o ya. Make sure you bring the Segway over the the Gonzo Lotusphere Gathering @ ESPN and we'll do laps around the bar again this year




16. Dan Soares01/25/2011 08:44:17 AM


Hey Scott:

Got your voice mail and birthday wishes. Thanks

Won't be at LS this year but will be following the news and pics. I'll email you when you get back and we'll set up a meet. Have fun and don't scare too many tourists.

Regards,

Dan




17. Brian Benz01/22/2011 07:28:08 PM
Homepage: http://www.softwaresoapbox.com


Looking forward to it! For me, it will be great and probably a little weird to be back. See you on Saturday.




18. Gregg Eldred01/21/2011 07:41:50 PM
Homepage: http://www.ns-tech.com/blog/geldred.nsf


While I follow you on Twitter and enjoy your tweets, unfettered by 140 characters brings out the best in you. You don't have to return to regular blogging, but occasional entries like this would be most welcome. Nicely done.




19. Chuck Dean01/21/2011 04:29:14 PM


Unfortunately I will have to miss my favorite gathering of techie lunatics again this year. Partly because I have moved on to a new job and don't have any vacation, and the job is a further step removed from IT operations or management and at this point not dealing with Lotus products. Also, there's and excellent chance I'll be traveling in the opposite direction - to North Carolina for the birth of my first grandchild.

So hope you all have fun. I'll follow on blogs and twitter as much as I can. And please drink a toast to Miss. Sarah Grace Desko.... pictures to follow on Facebook after she arrives.

PS - Turtle - I will probably show up in DC periodically over the coming years. Will let you know when I'm headed that way.

- chuck-
Chuck Dean




20. Ed Brill01/21/2011 03:21:59 PM
Homepage: http://www.edbrill.com


/me acknowledges namecheck.




21. Thomas Duff01/21/2011 03:09:27 PM
Homepage: http://www.duffbert.com


As always, it was my pleasure, Scott...




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