PermaLink I already know03/04/2006 11:41 PM

I've done this so long, I can tell within five minutes of meeting a woman whether I'll ever see her again.  Tonight's candidate...
I had what I thought was a nice, promising date with a woman I met on Craig's List last week... she's a tech recruiter in DC who got rather excited when I mentioned Domino, and right up to ten minutes before we met face to face, she was quite excited to meet me.  Still, within minutes of meeting her, I knew the evening would be wasted.  And yes, I'll call it "wasted."  Not for lack of good conversation (it was there).  Not for the sake of dinner, which was excellent.  Not for the sake of her, either... she was even more attractive in person and surprisingly tall and elegant.

Nope, it was waste because I knew immediately I would never see her again.  Some of you might say, "well, it can't be a waste if you had a good time..."  Well, look... I can have a "good time" anywhere, with almost anyone.  I want someone I can be with, consistently... for years, maybe.  One date that doesn't go to that goal is one more date wasted.  One more night not spent with someone who will be with me for a long time.  One more weekend's opportunity completely thrown away.

I thought about it on the way home, which was ratherlong.  I'd have to say that in over 80% of these situations, it's the woman who decides she doesn't want to see me again.  It's almost never me deciding I don't want to see her.  I'm so damn optimistic, I'll give almost anyone a chance, see what happens.  Some of the better relationships in my life (including, at the time, my marriage) were of this sort.

I hate to sound full of myself, but in a surprising number of these situations, the women who've rejected me could be termed "not my equal."  I don't buy a lot of that stuff that says people can be in or out of "their league," but the more I see things, the more real this seems.  What puzzles me is the situations where the woman should have been happy to be with someone relatively intelligent, nice, able to afford nice evenings out, not an overt asshole.  I offer them whatever time they want with me, and they say, "eh, no thanks."

A lot of these women tell me about past relationships, often abusive, often pointless.  And here I am, a genuinely nice guy, and they throw me away in favor of assholes.

It keeps coming back to the thought that I can't have the woman I want, and I don't want the women who are available to me.  And even then, most of them don't want me, either.

Maybe it's time to schedule those asshole lessons I was thinking about.
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1. Joni06/01/2007 09:21:40 PM

I hear you, Turtle. I have a best friend exactly like that. Her mantra: I' m not happy unless I'm not happy.

I watch her go from one pointless, one-sided relationship, and the inherent bitching about it (to me) to another. When is she gonna get a clue? I finally told her regarding this last one, who she has now decided to marry while all along bellyaching about his drinking, his temper (dangerous waters, there, girlie) and pretty much everything else, to the point where I'm wondering to myself does this man have one single solitary redeeming quality?, either accept him, faults, warts and all, and realize he's not a frog prince, this is as good as it will EVER get, or dump him and move on. Meanwhile, nice guys continue to finish last. (I have my own nice guy of 27 years, thankyouverymuch!) :)

2. Turtle03/08/2006 03:33:38 PM

Remember that this is my place to spew, so what you see here isn't necessarily (and in most cases doesn't resemble much) what I'd say or do in real life. Still, after a few years of the DC social scene, it's a bit difficult not to be cynical. I'm trying to avoid it. Already sent the young lady a nice note, nice to meet you, two different lives, best of luck, all that. I get over things pretty quickly.

Except when I don't.

3. Karen03/08/2006 12:32:32 PM

I know those observations aren't new. I just think that spending any energy on them isn't very productive. Nor is it very attractive.

I hear ya'... I'm just wondering how that line of thinking, that attitude, is working for you.

4. Turtle03/07/2006 02:43:59 PM

Karen, none of these are new observations... look around on any board where guys talk about this stuff, and then look on boards where women talk about this stuff. I'm not claiming any big new observations here, just that I (like Patrick and who knows who else) am part of a big continuum of people who keep encountering this stuff without the power to fix it.

5. Karen03/07/2006 10:50:29 AM

Wow, you two. Your bitterness, blaming, and boasting and apparent unwillingness to look inward is SO HOT. Call me.

6. Patrick M.03/06/2006 05:11:43 PM

Hear you on this one Turtle. It's always been a mystery to me why women telling me about their past relationships with whatever fucknuts who abused her mentally or physically or even both, only had one thing in mind: find another fucknut of the same type instead of trying to have some way of life with a decent guy (me), who is really eager to please her in any ways she might think of.

Must be some kind of masochistic tendency these women have.

Oh, and forget about asshole lessons. Assholery can't be taught nor learned. If you haven't turned into a big asshole once you passed teen age, there's no way to catch up.

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