PermaLink Do you have an annoying ringtone?05/17/2006 05:39 PM

Careful... you may have a ringtone that threatens your safety!
Do you have someone around you who has a tremendously-annoying ringtone?  You know the ones I'm talking about... the guy in the next cube with a "cute" audio sample that jars you out of whatever line of thought you were trying to maintain, or the girl down the hall or across the aisle with the hot-breathy-female-pop-vocal-du-jour, where one sounds pretty much like the other, yet she changes it every week?  Or worst, do you have someone who has a Nokia phone and has never changed their ringtone from the default (which is that stupid "Nokia Melody?").

Or... are you one of these people?

If you are, it's likely that someone around you wants to beat the crap out of you.  You just don't know it yet.

There's a guy in my office who got a new phone a year or so ago.  After monkeying with a few of the ringtones that came with the phone, somehow he bumbled onto a site where he could download The Mother Of All Annoying Ringtones.  He installed a clip from The Spinners' 1974 hit, "I'll Be Around."

You know, "whenever you call me, I'll be there?"


It was amusing the first 200 times.

This guy gets at least ten personal calls every single goddamn day, and that fucking ringtone goes on and on.   Sometimes, he'll be on his office speakerphone when the cell phone rings, so whoever he's talking to about work stuff can then enjoy the stupid ringtone.  It's always at maximum volume, of course.

The next 200 times, it was less amusing.

He also has a Bluetooth headset for his cell phone now, so he wanders around the office talking (seemingly) to the air, yet still hasn't figured out how to set his phone on "vibrate."

The last 500 times, I've found myself wanting to shove that phone up his ass.

As a minimum, I want to steal it (as if he ever lets it out of his sight) and download something else onto it.  Anything else.  Anything.  Even the "Nokia Melody."

Do you know what my ringtone is?

It's... a telephone.

You know, a "telephone?"    Rrrrrrrrrrrringggggg!!!  Just like in those old movies on AMC late at night, where a black bakelite desk phone rings in some newsroom or some detective's office, and Jimmy Stewart or Humphrey Bogart or James Cagney answers it?

It actually makes young people stop and furrow their brows, trying to figure out what the hell that sound is and why it sounds so familiar.  Oh, yeah, they remember it, from old reruns of The Rockford Files their dad used to watch.

A phone should sound like... a phone.

Sounding like The Spinners sets your phone up for a future career as a rectal suppository.

Maybe in your rectum.

Watch yourself.
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2. CHangeWarrior (Deb)05/18/2006 07:17:09 PM

I think cell rintones should sound like really cool cars...haven't found a site to download those from yet, though. [sigh]
The roar of a Ferrari ... now that would be excellent.
Shouldn't have the cell on in the office at all if all one is getting are personal calls, no matter how the ringer is set.
Mine's on when I'm out of the office and only when I'm in transit and can't be reached on a land-line.
Though over the cube wall from me, the support line is a cell that plays the Mexican Hat Dance...urgh.

3. Tom Franks05/18/2006 05:11:15 PM

Anyone here who's ringtone is heard more than once (as a reminder to set it to vibrate) gets a visit from their manager....the message is "set it to vibrate or turn off the phone"...

4. Gregg Eldred05/18/2006 03:39:38 PM

My phone is always set to vibate, so I don't concern myself with ringtones. But, the guy in the next cube over - the Theme from Gilligan's Island. Maximum volume. I can't take it any more.

5. Patrick M05/18/2006 05:25:33 AM

Hear ya on this one, since I've got the same plain ol' ring tone and strange looks from people, when it goes off.

Guess my rectum will be safe for a while.

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