PermaLink Eventually, I'll float away06/25/2007 12:05 AM
For some reason I have lost nearly ten pounds in the last few weeks.  Can't account for it except for not eating, stress, sleep problems, and smoking too much.  Whaddya think?

I am down to a mere 244 pounds. That's more than ten pounds less than my majestic peak a year or so ago at 256, and yes, I do feel lighter. I'm not as out-of-breath as I'd sometimes been, and my favorite belt is now loose on my ass even after putting a tighter notch in it. Of course, my waist is still a 38/40, not the 30/32 it was 25 years ago, but then again, back then I weighed 135 pounds and was living in poverty. I probably ate whatever belt I owned then, times were so tough.

Note to you youngsters: the Reagan years were not a golden era for a lot of us who lived through them. I knew many people -- including myself -- who suffered quite terribly during the "trickle-down economics" years, because the only thing that trickled down to us at the bottom was Republican piss. See also, "I weighed 135 pounds," above.

Anyway, at this point I'm reasonably pleased to not be as heavy, but I know that most of it is due to stress. After my separation from Nancy in 2002, I also sustained a pretty nasty kidney infection and went from 255 to 221 pounds in less than two months. I refer to that as the "Stress And Sickness Diet" and I really don't recommend it much. Still, if you want to try it out, one method might be, experience some big stress event, like getting divorced, going to Federal prison, or being forced to watch a BJ And The Bear marathon. Then, infect yourself with some serious bacterial illness, like a kidney infection, abscessed molar, or inner-ear infection. Cook for two months. Serve. You will have lost a shitload of weight, too. I assure you.

Again, I don't recommend any of this to anyone with a brain.

Years ago, when I lived in Rochester, I used to see this enormous fat woman on the corner at the place on Main Street and Plymouth Avenue where the city buses all came together for transfers. Aside of the obvious response of, "whatever you recommend, I'll do the opposite, because it sure as shit ain't been workin' for you," the thing I was worried was that she was insane. You know, some dope walks up and asks, "ok, how do I lose weight?" She whips out a sword, hacks your right leg off, and shouts, "THAT'S HOW! AaaaaaaaAAAAAAhhahahahahahahahaaaaaa!" and waddles away.

That would be another method to lose weight fast. Your leg weighs a lot. If you don't need it, let a crazy fat lady hack it off with a sword. Maybe you can get a reality show that way. I don't know.

Right now I am in some pain because, while spraying the fruit trees tonight, I pinched a nerve in my back. Things are a bit painful right now.

We went up and visited the wabbit breeder up in Pennsylvania, as I said. The giant wabbits are growing every day, and we're looking forward to adopting ours and letting it take over our house in August. You really cannot conceive of how goddamn big these wabbits can get. Bigger than your dog, I bet. We went down to Bethesda today to visit some of Suzanne's relatives, and they had two Wheaton terriers. The smaller of the two was quite a bit smaller than the father of the baby wabbits we saw yesterday.

Bumper sticker in the near future: Our Wabbit Can Eat Your Terrier. Or Your Honor Student.

We live in a strange time, indeed.

If you're reading this and you're involved in OpenNTF, would you help me out on the LSD (ListServ for Domino) project if you can? My pitiful lemming brain has been stymied in a couple of stupid simple ways and I'd like to get some additional cooks on the job. The basic code of "let people sign up, then reflect emails sent to the list to all the list subscribers" works pretty well, but now I'm getting fancy and things are blowing up in my face for reasons I probably ought to be able to figure out for myself, but cannot just now. Call me distracted, but I tend to work on the code late at night after eating and talking to cats and wabbits all day, and my intellect is thus reduced to the level of your typical wabbit. If you can help out, come on over to and help out.

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1. Nora06/25/2007 04:47:33 PM

Looking good but don't sweat/stress it!

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