PermaLink OK, I admit it: I am a social media ho-bag06/15/2011 05:47 AM
..but I'm no worse than some and a lot better than most.

FourSquare is a crude solution to a problem that never existed.

There. I said it.

I really didn't much give a shit where my friends were, moment-by-moment, and honestly, I still don't. And when the typical geographic resolution of FourSquare seems to be in the range of 3000m to 10km, they don't seem to give much of shit where anyone is, either. If you're on FourSquare, I guarantee you that you've experienced the thrill of standing in front of, say, the Eiffel Tower, the White House, or the Starbucks around the corner from your apartment, only to tell you that "your phone thinks you're a little too far from xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, so no points or badges for you!"

Well, FUCK FourSquare.

I now use it for my own entertainment. Lately, my favorite thing to do is to become "mayor" of other people's houses, and then post funny shit when I "check in" there. It's likely that the people who actually live in these places have no fucking idea that their house is a "venue" on FourSquare, let alone that some random dude who travels nearby has decided to mayor his ass up at their expense. Probably they had a party one time and some hipster asshole with a new Android phone added their house as a venue, and that person won't ever go back there because of the unfortunate Technicolor yawn he left in their downstairs bathroom after too many PBRs and too much guacamole.

Still, the venue lives on.

Two of my local favorites? "Tricia's Casa" and "Dewey And Faye's Paradise."

I have absolutely no idea who these people are. Thanks to FuckSquared's fuzzy geolocation, I probably couldn't find them on a map. There is no evidence that Tricia, Dewey or Faye have ever "checked in" at their own casa or paradise.

But I have.

And I make up little 100-character soap-opera entries to try to invent lives for these possibly-imaginary people.

"Dewey snores real loud. Loud enough to wake the dog up. And then he howls. The dog, I mean. Dewey is still asleep, usually."


"Tricia, I thought trilobytes died out at least 80 years ago. How old is this yogurt?"

See, this is what happens when you turn me loose on the social media landscape. I turn it into my own playground. Sorry, IBM. Sorry, Jive. Sorry, AssBook and MySpays and PlankedIn and all those other social media companies that think it's all about money. FU, it's all about FUN. I've decided that I'm putting the FU back into FUN and countering "social media" with "antisocial media."

Come on, it's FUN.

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Blabber :v

1. Bill06/15/2011 06:26:37 AM

At least we can't accuse you of crimes against the exclamation mark...

---* Bill

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