PermaLink I don't give up easily...03/30/2012 12:27 AM
I don't let go of good tech without a fight, but this is horseshit...

All right, RIM... my friends know I'm one of your staunchest defenders. I carried an 8700c, some Curve I can't even name now, an 8800 I still own, a 9700, and now a 9900.


I've been in IT since 1980. I'd like to believe that things actually get better over time, but in my time carrying a Blackberry, shit has gotten WORSE.

I have, now, on my hip, what you offer as the best smartphone you can sell in the United States.

Why do I have to reboot it once a day (on the advice of @BlackberryHelp)?

Why do I get to see the stopwatch when I'm doing NOTHING on the device?

This is the best you've got?

Then, I say, you are FUCKED.

I used to see the stopwatch on my 9700... your official advice was to buy a phone with more memory.

I saw the stopwatch less on the 9700. I saw it even less on the 8800. I never saw it on the 8700c.

You finally fixed the browser on OS 7. I saw the "sorry, this page is too large to load" error on OS 5 and OS 6 on my 9700, and your official advice was to buy a phone with more memory.

But fuckallyall, when I have FRESHLY-REBOOTED 9900 on which there are no apps running, not even the "you-can't-kill-BBM-it's part-of-theOS," well, you can find a dead pigeon and suck it inside-out.

I've been with you since 2005, and, well, fuck you, I am NOT going to pay to open an incident with RIM to debug some bullshit memory leak with a fuckfaced first-tier asshole who cut his teeth on Windows ME. Eat hot green shit.

The only -- I repeat -- the ONLY reason I still carry a Blackberry on my hip is that you have, by far, the finest KEYBOARD of any mobile device in the world.

Your OS can suck shit.

Would you care to talk about it? You know where to find me. @the_turtle on Twitter.

If you wanna blow me off, then, frankly, you can blow me.

If this phone wasn't made of fucking carbonite, I'd have put it through my wood chipper two months ago, but I need the fucking wood chipper.

Suck my ass.

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1. The Turtle07/09/2012 02:27:38 AM

Followup: a big suck on OS7 on a 9900 is "Wifi Music Sync." Kill that shit dead. it will suck your Blackberry dry, even if there's no Wifi. If you want music on your Berry, do it the old-fashioned way: buy a cheap 32Gb MicroSD and put it on over USB. Uninstall Wifi Music Sync.

RIM is so fucked now, nobody I met in the old days when they had that conference room full of Berries at LS99? (someone correct me on this) is still in any position of authority. And no one in any position of authority now seems to have a clue.

Protip: if you own a Wifi Berry, you can still cruise the web and listen to internet radio on it. That's the duty my old 9700 performs these days.

The battery lasts longer than my old Sony AM radio 45 years ago!

2. The Turtle04/10/2012 04:13:34 AM

I find it amusing that a Google search for "Blackberry can suck shit" now returns this actual page as the #4 hit.

I am getting to think that it's not so much that the OS sucks, but that third-party vendors don't give a fuck about writing solid apps for Berry, and as a result they leak memory like pantyhose trying to contain grape juice. Google Apps for Blackberry suck the worst; they leak all over the place. UberSocial is pretty bad. FourSquare fellates goats. We won't even talk about Facebook, because I canceled Facebook eight months ago, and you should, too.

Still, what little balls RIM has left should be spent telling these third-party developers to either get their fucking shit together or get the fuck out of the way.

Oh, and RIM should quit loading up the phones with their own shitware. Yes, you CAN run your Berry perfectly well without Yahoo Messenger, without Windows Messenger, without Google Talk, and absolutely without BBM!

I can hear their tech support people having hot diahrrea in their jammies even now.


3. Richard Moy03/30/2012 02:03:58 PM

Just switched to the Samsung Galaxy S2 which was on sale for $10 at ATT since the S3 is coming out. My Bold 9000 has been very dependable even after I dropped it many many times and once it bounced across the entire width of a street. I was amazed it survived. We will see if the Samsung holds up to my abuse. I seriously doubt it will. However, for tablets I just got the Blackberry Playbook with OS2 and I am very happy with it. RIM just needs to get out the OS10 as soon as possible. I will miss the keyboard however. I don't like the touch screens very much.

4. Kevin Pettitt03/30/2012 11:29:20 AM

Don't hold back on our account, tell us how you really feel

5. norm03/30/2012 11:09:42 AM

Profanely elegant & accurate rant.
Quentin Tarintino [sic] would be proud.

6. Roy Rumaner03/30/2012 10:43:44 AM

I am thinking of biting the bullet and getting an Android or iPhone and dumping the Torch I got last summer. If I have to eat the AT&T cancellation fees, it will still be less painful than waiting for the stopwatch to disappear and webpages to appear. Karen needs a new phone so we are going out tomorrow for hers so I might as well consider one for myself at the same time. Thinking of dropping AT&T completely and going with Verizon instead.

7. Elijah Lapson03/30/2012 09:27:16 AM

Great post. I loved the 8700. I dropped mine on the pavement several times and the pavement said "ouch!".


8. Karl-Henry Martinsson03/30/2012 08:21:11 AM

That is exactly why I will not get a new Blackberry when I switch phone later this year. I love the keyboard as well, but seeing the stopwatch running almost all the time and not be able to view even half the webpages I try (even some mobile-adapted pages makes the device run out of memory!), my next phone will be an Android. I am just waiting for the Samsung Galaxy S3 to be released, I am already out of my contract with AT&T so I can switch any day...

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