PermaLink Donkey romance09/20/2012 05:50 AM
None
A tale of 4:30am on highways near every major US metro area

OK, White Truck Guys, please fellate yourselves.

Seriously, I know the jenny mules are most receptive about 4:50am just on the perimeter of New York, Boston, DC, Chicago, Dallas and Atlanta, (or 4:15 local time in Seattle and LA), but do you have to get in those stupid, cheap-ass white Ford pickups and blow past everyone else on the commuter highways when the sun hasn't even risen in Newfoundland to get at them?

Seriously... you are the same fuckfaces who complain about the shitty mileage you get, as you blow past us at 85mph, coffee in one hand, push-to-talk Sprint shitphone in the other hand, as you steer with your turgid penis, as you imagine your early-morning trysts with worksite mules. The rest of us wish you would fucking set out twenty minutes earlier. You could drive in a less assholish manner, since none of us are gonna try to ace you out for your semi-equine girlfriends.

For those of you NOT in a white Ford pickup: when these shitheads blow past you at stupid speeds, get on YOUR cellphone and call the number on the side or back of their pickups. At 4:30am, you will get some contractor company's voicemail.

If your dad taught you to swear like a sailor, well, you have thirty seconds to try your best.

If your dad didn't teach you this important commuting skill, well, DM me. I will teach you.

I want these fuckheads off the road.

Are you reading this and you are actually one of these smegmites in the white pickup trucks? "Oh, I GOTTA GET TO WORK TO FEEEEEEEEEEED MAAAHHHH KEEEEEEEEDZ!'

Fuck you. Eat hot green shit. Go get a job in a human centipede, assfuck. Get the liverfuck off MY ROADS. The ones I PAY TAXES FOR AND THE ONES I WOULD LIVE TO NOT GET KILLED ON.

YEAH, shitfaces from West Virginia and Pennsylvania, you cockfucks who screw up traffic in MY STATE when your pitiful, dickleaking driving skills outstrip your trucks' awful roadholding ability, I AM ADDRESSING YOU DIRECTLY.

You wanna live in a red, "low-tax" state?

LIVE THERE, JIZZMUNCHERS! STAY THERE ALL DAY.


DO DONUTS IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING YARD, FOR ALL ANYONE GIZZASHIT.

Be proud! You are the 1%. The 1% too stupid to be allowed to breathe air and walk upright anywhere an adult can't supervise you.

Fuck off.


That is all.

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18. Turtle09/24/2012 02:03:24 AM


Pretty much, yeah, Nate.

I will say this, they seem to be really, really aware of two things: their crotch, when they spill cheap 7-Eleven coffee on it at the 270/495 merge north of DC, and "they rights" and how "libruls" are trying to take them away.

Beyond that, well, your guess is at least as good as mine.

I do love owning a good solid station wagon and having (a) great insurance and (b) a great attorney on speed-dial when these dickheads eventually rear-end me.




19. Nathan T. Freeman09/23/2012 01:06:20 AM
Homepage: http://ntf.gbs.com


Is it your intent to portray these individuals as careless and foolish individuals with no awareness of the world around them?




20. chuck dean09/20/2012 12:07:55 PM


Go ahead, don't hold back... tell us how you really feel




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